A journey through the centers - Throat.

Undefined throats can become obsessed with attracting attention, just like people with defined throats can spend a lifetime trying to stay out of the way of getting any attention. This is a distortion of our natural talents and our unique nature.

A defined throat is designed to get attention (good or bad it doesn’t matter, that doesn’t really apply here) in a fixed way. It can attract attention easily, but it can be lots of the wrong attention. An undefined throat is here to be flexible in how they get attention. They can attract attention but they can't control when or how. Only through following S&A will you get the attention that is correct for you. Defined or undefined, the only important thing is whether you take decision making away from the mind. 

Attention feels good right?! Our children demand it when they are little and we give it by the bucket loads, as they become older and we become distracted they learn ways to get it, or to avoid it (depending on the circumstance). We hear things like “she’s acting up for attention”, or “he’s being anti-social” when a teenager wont open up. “Calm down, you’re being to loud” is one I hear often, and admittedly one I am guilty of saying myself. Learning about the throat center I changed my wording to “do you have lots of throat energy to move?, how can we help you move that energy out?”.

Communicating is so very unique to your design. Communicating brings things/ thoughts/ memories/ actions into form. Hence why this center is also refered to the metamorphasis center in some of the older HD texts.

The need to speak to fill a space is conditioning of the throat center. The need to be heard or the need to push your opinion into a space, the need to manifest something into form to fill a space in your life. Conditioning of this center shows up in many ways. Deep conditioning for me is being misunderstood as a child. It isn’t so much trying to force a metamorphosis or manifest with this center undefined for me, I gave up the vision boards well before I found Human Design. It is more so being heard and being heard correctly. “That’s not what I meant?, “you are not listening to me?”, “can anybody hear me?”, “I might as well be talking to a brick wall!” all common sayings in my house growing up and all sayings I adopted early. I have deep conditioning around trying to attract attention that recognises me! (hello projector child) attention that hears me correctly and assures me that I am being heard correctly.

I have been deconditioning this center for 3.5 years and boy shutting up and accepting that my voice is not needed in all spaces is HARD! I never actually knew how much pointless “blah blah” I speak to fill an awkward space, or speak to get attention, or elaborate extensively on to make sure what I am trying to say gets received the way I intended for it to be received. Like I have some control over the receivership process in others!

I began shutting up fairly early in my experiment. Although it wasn’t instant, more a gradual process of becoming aware of like “holy shiballs I speak ALOT of crap about nothing for no reason” haha. I was amplifying throat energy. One of the very first lectures I was handed was one with Mary Ann Winegar speaking about projectors and how if they could please just shut up and butt out that would be fantastic. Of course triggered to hell by her lecture, I knew if my mind is going to kick up a stink about something it is usually something the mind is clinging to that is not actually correct for me. Now it is advice I am ever so grateful for coming across early. I have butted out of so many conversations now that I would have ususally had my two cents worth in and just observed what it was I wanted to say in the space. I can now say that Marry Ann’s advice has saved my ass and my energy hundreds of times.

Just like it always happens, I assume I am ninja spec at something then I am shown a deeper layer or different circumstance when I am still deeply conditioned.

Okay confession time, let me tell you a story…

I recently joined in on an IG live and was just hanging out in the chats like I usually do, ya know networking, having a laugh, saying hi and waving to my mates. I was really quite enjoying what the live was about as it was a combination of Human Design with modality to do with the body movement. Getting more and more engrossed in the conversation by the minute. I noticed a question in the chats! Having held many of IG lives myself, I know it can be hard to focus on the chat as well as hold the live, it is can be very distracting. I assumed this to be the case as the speakers where really immersed in their subject between themselves. I found the question that had been posted super interesting and in that moment as something came to my mind I mindlessly placed a comment, though, reaction (lets be honest – my opinion) to the persons question in the chat box. Honestly not from a place of oh I know that answer! More so from a place of YAY how cool, lets go there! thinking it was a great opener for diving deeper into the topic. Oh boy I was wrong, my ninja level stripes were immediately stripped from my ninja costume as the illusion I was living in (the one where I am pretty good at shutting up) shattered in front of me.

Placing my comment into the chat section caused another person to fire back at me. A stranger to me. A Manifestor. Basically informing me that she wasn’t in there to see my comments she wanted to hear the speakers speak. My first though was – “well fuck you mate“, closely followed by “nobodys forcing you to read the comments stupid! And why are you taking time and space out of your day to attack me, I am hear just as engrossed and cheering these people eon in their endeavors as well”.

I felt attacked. I instantly felt bitter, a little angry and certainly misunderstood in what it was I was trying to communicate. She had read it through her lens which was not the lens I had communicated it from. I was trying to open up further conversations on the subject matter, she saw it as me giving a definitive answer, my opinion, and clearly interrupting what she had expected her experience of the IG live to be.

A tell-tale sign of bitterness is BLAME. This is as solid as science in my experience. I instantly began to blame the keyboard warrior for my now frazzled state. All the blame stories came to surface. Why is she being so mean? Why is she attacking me? What did I do wrong? She’s not seeing my POV? She misunderstood me. Then there is this urge that I recognize very clearly. A pattern of my mind that becomes my go-to defensive behaviour. When I feel misunderstood I go into over explaining mode. Like I have to now give a sermon on what it is I actually meant, and how I actually meant for it to be interpreted as to smooth the situation out. This satisfies the not-self of my undefined Ajna and Solar Plexus and it is all brought into action by the not-self of my undefined throat (the asshole that got me here in the first place). I began to write my essay in the chat box but before I could hit send my Spleen said “LEAVE”.

If there is one thing I have learnt throughout my deconditioning process; it’s when to fight and when to walk. The Spleen never gets this fork in the road wrong. My tongue is sharp and reactive. But more importantly me energy is precious, my nervous system is sensitive. I have a defined ego that doesn’t like to back down, I also have gate 51 (Design External Nodes) that see’s shock and competitive situations naturally in my world. Backing down has become therapeutic and a huge step in my deconditioning process for me IF it is correct and not from an undefined solar plexus need to avoid confrontations. So I thanked the speakers and exited the live, saving it so I could be sure to check the replay for more of these ladies wisdom.

I pondered what had happened for a little while. Bitterness is my greatest ally in this life. I recognize it fairly quickly now and when I do, I invite my bitterness to a little tea party. We sit together and chat about why she is here, what’s happened? and not from a place of how did I get that wrong, how could I have done that differently or judgement. It is what it is. You cannot change the past and the mind knows full well how to weaponize the past by brining it forward into the future, creating a narrative around it for your suffering. I’m not playing into that game much anymore.

I reflect more from a place of awareness these days, I like to drop all of the stories I am concocting in my mind and see the mechanics behind what happen from a deep explorative curiosity in me. It helps me deepen my integration of this system. As a Projector it really takes looking at the other to see myself.

This confrontation with the keyboard warrior is simple mechanics. Classic undefined throat in a public space that did not follow strategy or authority. Was I trying to get attention? Was I pushing an opinion? Was I trying to influence? Was I trying to be understood? It doesn’t really matter.. what matters is I didn’t have was an invitation for my insights and so I was energetically shut down, misunderstood and misheard by someone with a defined and fixed way of utilizing this centers ability to communicate. There is no doubt I had received attention! but it was not correct nor successful for me. She had received attention as well, and perhaps this is a fixed way she receives it I don’t know I cannot speak for her experience.

Did this Manifestor realize the impact she had had on me? I am not sure for certain, but I very much doubt it. Did I take the time to tell her or converse further? No fucking way. Sayonara Señorita, she was far too harsh in her interactions for my liking and abrasive to my energy. Plus I had received what I needed from the interaction, the opportunity to decondition further. Unveil a part of my throat conditioning and see it in a different situation than it usually presents itself in. In a matter of minutes I had gone from bitter, angry and blame central, to calm, understanding and very grateful for the movie I had found myself in that morning. Within 15 minutes I was actually chuckling to myself. Marvelling at the profound truth in the mechanics and laughing at my own movie. This is very different from Amy’s past who may have dwelled on this sort of experience for days if not weeks, playing the victim, finding every other close earhole to complain and explain the story to, just to hear their validation of my mind wanting to blame the keyboard warrior for my own mechanics.

You know, so often I hear “you have an open invitation here Amy”, “Please always share your insights here Amy”, but I am learning time and time again this is not the case. Not with strangers, not with our nearest and dearest, not even with our children. You speak into a space you are not invited to speak in as a Projector, especially with an undefined throat and you may as well start boilin’ the billy for the bitterness tea party. It is a dice roll every time. Now I am not here to tell you how to play the game. It is your experiment after all. All I can really say is if you are going to roll the dice with the energy of your throat center, do it with awareness and learn to laugh at yourself in the process.