A journey through the centers - Spleen
*warning some may consider the following to have graphic medical pictures, please be discerning if this post is right for you.
My partner is a Generator. He does not amplify, he envelops. I don’t think ‘The Voice’ (referring to the entity that delivered the Human Design System into Ra’s cells) could have chosen a better word. I mean words right?!? How hard is it to truly explain an energetic observation, a frequency feeling in words?!! But this one seems pretty spot on. Enveloping vs Amplifying.
My partner (Johno) can look like he is amplifying but what is actually occurring is an enveloping, a taking in, a full surrounding of his nature, it swamps him. He will envelop an emotion and become the equivalent of it. I fell like the reason it can appear amplified is that he is taking on the emotional state of a 4 year old and demonstrating it as a 37 year old man with much more sacral power and the ability to articulate. So it can look amplified, but my observation is that it is not an amplification it is the equivalent, just expressed thorough his own definition.
He is much calmer with the children than I am. If they ever need to be in an emergency department (ED), or even the dentist, he is the better option out of the two of us. He rides along with them. Not me, I ride higher or lower or anywhere in between. Picture a 4 year old scared out of his wits, highly emotional in an ED and a Projector mother amplifying that situation.. it can get very distorted, very quickly. And my defined heart will kick off with anyone or anything that threatens my tribe in that heightened state. The Generator can envelop and feel the situation as well as remain at some sort of level that is around the mark of what the child is feeling. Me however, I am waaaaay off the mark and the amplification is enough for me to miss my spleens awareness.
We had this exact situation occur, grab a cuppa, it’s story time.
I was in the bath with both the boys when Jordan (the younger one), slipped and smacked his head on the edge of the bath. Jordy looks up from the side of the tub with blood running all through his blonde eyebrows, down his face and into his wailing mouth. Blood dispersing in a marble paint like effect throughout the bath water. I’m staring at him trying to work out if it’s his head or his mouth that’s bleeding at this point, there was so much blood. Our emotional child looking up from his game of ‘crocodiles’ to see what his brother was fussing about. He immediately hit the panic button, screaming “is Dordie going to die?”, “oh my brubba, what’s happened to my brubba?”. He’s panicking. And rightly so.
In this situation I had no Generator with me to envelop and level the situation out or put us all into response mode. It was pure amplifications. The emotional child is panicking, I begin panicking, not to mention the baby Projector screaming - partially for his own pain and partially amplifying the current situation himself. I most certainly heard a NO for going to the hospital. Right then and there, before anything else unfolded.. “no hospital”. Let that be known.
At this point I am emptying the bath in a hurry to remove the visual of the now blood red swamp we are all sitting in, thinking that might calm the boys. I removing the emotional child first, wrapping him in and towel and asking him to please try and get dressed. With him in a different room I could come back and assess the situation a little better, it’s not so much that he needed to be removed because I knew I was beginning to amplify his emotional state, it was more so for his own nervous system and reassurance that his ‘brubba’ would be okay and that he would be able to self-regulate and hear the situation better. He is low sounds and Jordy is high pitched screaming, this causes all sorts of confusion in our home regularly. Jedd cannot listen while Jordy is screaming. So it doesn’t matter how much reassurance I give him that Jordy will be okay, he can’t hear me. He can’t digest that while in the middle of the noise. Still shaking and moving faster then my mind could keep up with I mange to get Jedd some PJ’s and start him off getting dressed in the bedroom reassuring him by informing “stay here and listen, you will hear that Jordy is okay, I’ll just get him out the bath and be back soon”. Back I go to the bathroom, I dab the baby’s head and see it is a fairly deep cut close to his eye. He is upset but no longer screaming.
I remember my mind saying all the sorts of things a mothers mind says “I need to get everyone into the car, dressed, ready for a long wait at the hospital, it’s 6pm it’s dinner time, they’ll be hungry, we are going to get home so late, I have to take him, hurry hurry hurry, why does this shit always happen when John is away?, what would he do?”. I also remember my body being a no. No hospital. Even with all my awareness of Human Design at this point and living by my authority when it comes to food and other people, that’s easy. Now I am in an amplified emergency situation and I’ve lost all faith, my mind franticly trying to control my spleen’s awareness. “What the fuck spleen, what the hell do you know? If I don’t take him he’s going to bleed out”- (yes that extreme in that moment), then after calming slightly the minds narrative was more like, “you’re a bad mother if you don’t take him to a hospital, you are no doctor, you don’t know anything medical, he’s going to hospital, you can’t make the call not to take a baby with a split head to a hospital, you just don’t want to go because it’s shit waiting with kids in an Ed, what a bad mother!”.
I rang my sister on FaceTime while I dry and dress myself and the boys. She is a paediatric emergency nurse has been nursing for 10 years, probably spending that last 4 in ED. She is a sacral MG, 5/1, very level headed and practical in these situations. “I don’t know Ames, it’s very close to his eye, they probably won’t stitch it on a baby that close, they will probably just clean it, glue or strip it, probably worth getting looked at though”.
Righto second opinion taken on board. Someone else’s outer authority trumps my own. I’m going to the hospital to waste my time. What’s the alternative. I remain home and bandage it myself getting the guilts the whole time for being a bad mother.
Okay, off to the hospital we go. Despite the two, yes..TWO moment to moment hits I received NOT to go to the hospital. People always reference the spleen as only speaking once. Which I totally agree with- once in each moment it needs too. As the moments shifted and I gathered more information I distinctly remember getting a NO both times. The first was immediate even before I knew exactly where he was cut open or how severe the damage was, the second was after I saw that it was his head and had more information. I also distinctly remember overriding those NO’s for my minds voice of mum guilt mixed with amplified panic and my sisters outer authority.
Jordy, eyebrow all cleaned up after ED trip.
We waited 3 hours in the ED. Any mother knows 3 hours in a ‘please sit quietly and wait’ situation with two kids under 5 at dinner time, is a fucking shit-show. So now am I not only in an amplified state emotionally, I am also sucking in sacral juice like no tomorrow with two non-sacral kids high on the sacral juice also. They had a good look at Jordys eyebrow, cleaned it up and stereo stripped it. “Way too close to the eye for any stitches, if it doesn’t close up properly in the next few days we will reassess, but for now that’s all we can do”
Great.. all the panic and waiting around for a bandaid. “Good old spleen knew” I remember saying to Johno on the phone (he was away working this particular evening) on the way home in the car, the kids exhausted and asleep. I was a mixture of kicking myself and laughing at myself just going why didn’t you listen to your authority Amy, you could have saved all this drama.
How naïve of me to assume that what the spleen was trying to tell me was in relation to saving time. What a joke and a complete mind story. Here I am thinking oh well, so what, I didn’t listen to my spleen and all we lost was an evening. Lesson learnt. Thank god Johno’s flying home tomorrow morning I need some rest and help with these kids!
Silly girl. I underestimated the spleens awareness.
24 hours later while we are all together watching a movie in the lounge room Jordan made a strange winey noise and then became unresponsive, frozen with his eyes open. He was having a seizure. In my arms I was holding my baby floppy and dead-like for around 2 minutes (time was frozen, and it was probably one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed). Johno home now, level headed in response took him off of me placing cold face washers on his body while I called an ambulance. He was rushed to the state woman and children’s hospital, triaged on arrival and diagnosed with Covid. They asked us where we had been in the last 24-48 hours, I listed off the few places. Thankfully we had been homebodies mostly. I mentioned the ED and our visit for his eyebrow. The nurse informs me that, that particular Emergency Department we had visited had an outbreak of Covid and was on the ‘hotspot’ list. He had contracted Covid from being in the local ED the night before. At a hospital. That I knew not to take him to. Jedd was soon positive after, followed by myself and Johno. It was a very long few weeks.
Ambulance officers attending Jordy’s seizure.
The spleens awareness wasn’t about trying to save me time or the hassle at all. Amy you, silly silly girl. My spleens awareness said No Hospital. Now, I have a very defined spleen along with Gate 57. I often hear intuitive knowing’s, they are often located to the right side of my head or body. My mind controlled everything I did that evening. Placing thoughts and then rationalising those thoughts until I disregarded all knowing in my body.
I cannot rationalize it’s knowing in the moment, I cannot predict what might or might not have been. I cannot listening to anything that says “spleen’s a no because…” there is no because. Anything that fills that space is the minds guessing game. And the mind has no fucking clue in an existential moment, especially in the life of a splenic being.
A lesson I will never forget.
I often think back to the bath situation and wonder what Johno’s sacral authority would have responded to going to hospital or not. I often wonder if his enveloping makes it harder for him to listen to his inner authority. I sure as hell know that my amplifying makes it hard for me in the moment to hear my spleens awareness. It’s not that it is hard to hear it, I 100% hear it. The hard part is not overriding it with the mind and all of my conditioning. Is that the same for other projectors with different authorities? I’m not sure. If I was ego authority would that definition be powerful enough against the mind? If I was self-projected would I have heard my own truth talking on the phone to my sister? I don’t know. Does any of that matter? Not really.
The fact is I’m am a Splenic Projector. The spleens awareness is the one and only TRUTH I have and in those few moments I gave all my power in decision making away to outer authorities, external voices (including my own mind) rather then the inbuilt, perfectly functioning GPS that’s already installed.
Silly girl.