A journey through the centers - Head.
When I sat down to write about the head center my mind went straight to places of my creativity and inspiration and questions like is anything I have created even mine? Is there any thought I have that wasn’t put there by the program or someone else’s mental pressure? Then I go to a place of; can I even trust ANY of my thoughts? Talk about Sceptical and suss. Having the undefined head center is a complete trip and then add the whole Projector type, and the penetrating aura thing, and it becomes this whole other level of ‘mind fucked’.
I suffered with mental anxiety a lot in my earlier years. Really, I’ve been through the ringer with this one. My particular configuration has a hanging gate 63 off of the undefined head. My ‘go-to’ dark place that provokes my anxiety is a little place in my head where my ruthless mind ask 1000 questions in the space of 0.003 seconds, it is sceptical and suspicious but offers no answers. It builds and builds on that doubt and suspicion in hopes that the pressure will finally crack something inside of my noggin’ and the glorious truth will come raining down on me like glittery pieces of confetti at the Sydney Mardi Gras. Although that is never what happens.
The pressure builds to a point of panic and I spin out of control. Of course it isn’t just isolated to the head center, the whole gang would show up to the party. My Ajna trying to grab something to be certain of, my throat seeking the attention, my G flipping out about who the hell I am and what it is I am supposed to be doing. I would drive myself nuts trying to find answers to the magnitude of questions that could build up in my head. Life’s full of patterns and as someone who has the gift of pattern recognition and the ability to quickly see a ‘break’ or ‘irregular’ event in a pattern, there is always something to notice and get curious about.
The last bout of anxiety that was extreme for me, I was officially diagnosed Post Natal Anxiety. They said it was like Post Natal Depression except I wasn’t depressed, I was anxious as hell. Finding Human Design and discovering the conditioning that lives in this center gradually freed me from a lot of mental suffering. I still have this sceptical curiosity and insatiable ability to question and doubt things, people, authority figures, institutions and systems but I no longer allow my mind to take me down the route of an unhealthy level of anxiety over it. I hear the scepticism and the doubts and just watch as they naturally dissipate. My curiosity and questioning skills are a gift. The first step to developing any kind of knowing or truth (if truth is even a thing - see sceptical!) is the curiosity to question and inquire. I’ve learnt my head is not for me. The head center is a place of outer authority for others. And learning that I have absolutely no protection for the huge amounts of pressure that can filter through this center, when in aura with others, was a game changer.
I can hang out with some of the most seemingly inspiring people but at the end of the day if I leave with my mind in a frazzled state full of mental anxiety those people are not for me. If I feel inspired and like the pressure has been a good amount of fun, I have been able to ponder with gentle curiosity but not forced to find answers- those are my people.
I often wonder what it would be like to live with the defined head center. I somewhat know from conditioning, however, it is always an amplification in my case. I amplify head pressure. So I have an idea of what it is like through the transits and being around some of my loved ones who have this center defined. But to live with it full time I am not sure what that must feel like.
Righto confession time…
The booby trap.
When my youngest was born I went through a spout of doubting and question our cleaner. I had absolutely no reason to question her services. The thought just popped into my head one day sitting on the lounge feeding our newborn son. “what if she isn’t doing a full clean?”, “She cleans way too fast to be getting it done properly?”, “over the time she’s been getting quicker and quicker to finish”, “I doubt she’s lifting the rugs and vacuuming underneath”, “how can I find out?” and from that thought I become sceptical and doubtful. She was probably an energy Projector who had become more and more efficient at her job over time, who knows. Anyway, with the mental pressure to find truth, I took action! Grabbing and handful of dirt from the backyard and throwing it under the kid’s playmat in the living room to see if she would lift the mat to clean it when she was to visit the next day. In bed that night with my booby trap set I thought to myself “Why?, why have you just set her up to fail? What are you actually going to do if the dirt is still there after she visits tomorrow? You have no reason to question her abilities other than the fact she’s efficient”, “In fact she has been brilliant and accommodating over the period of birthing a new baby and working around a schedule that worked better for us”. The awareness dropped in as I relived the moment that lead me to dumping dirt in my own house. JORDANS BLOODY DEFINED HEAD! I was sitting on the lounge feeding him at the time I concocted this whole plan in my mind. I remember getting out of bed at around 11:30pm to lift the rug and vacuum up the dirt-booby-trap myself. WOWZAS. Yep, I’ve gone completely troppo. This is just one example where I had actually had the conscious awareness to catch the story that I had made up and then acted from that place. Luckily having time to rectify my actions before shit hit the fan! I hate to think about all of the other times this has happened in my life that I have not been aware of. The times I have reacted from a place of mental pressure with no time to reflect and be consciously aware of what I was doing or how I was behaving because of the pressure.
Okay, here comes the 4th line personality, Need motivation – give ‘em something to learn..
The head center is just pressure. It has no awareness on its own. That is the job of the Ajna. So if we can remember that the head center is mainly about having the build-up of pressure that kickstarts the three particular streams of the mind, we can remember it for what it is, rather than succumbing to the pressure and trying to force an awareness out of it, which is where all mental suffering begins- trying to force awareness. So these three streams, let’s take a little look, mainly at the head’s role here, not really wanting to unpack the entire stream in this writing session so lets do a taste test if you will;
The Understanding Stream (63-4-17-62).
63 The Gate of Doubt is the pressure to understand. It is a pressure that resides in the Collective Understanding circuit. This is the EXPERIMENTAL way not the experiential way. It isn’t just to be suspicious and sceptical about everything (although it can present that way) it’s actual gift is in pattern recognition and then applying logic. When something is amiss or suspicious in a pattern this is a mind that will notice. Okay, so Imagine the little old lady next door who you see watering her garden every morning without fail until one morning you notice she isn’t there. There is a logical suspicion in the pattern so you go over to check on her and she’s fallen and broken her foot or something. That is the gift of this stream. But it is also the limitation (if you have the 63-4 channel defined in the head center). This is the framework through which your mind operates consistently. Suspicion in patterns which lead to doubt, which then leads to curosity and inquiry…which then leads to you throwing dirt under your kids playmat on your own floor to prove the suspicion you have in the pattern.
The Sensing Stream (64-47-11-56).
64 The Gate of Confusion. This one lives in the Collective circuit also but it is on the abstract side. This is the pressure that comes with having a HUGE amount of mental activity in the mind. It is not so much about having one thought and being in a confused state about that one thought. These are the busiest minds in the world. The confusion is really asking ”does any of this actually matter, what should I think about first, which part can I sort out so I can let it go”. The pressure is in wading though all of the mental activity to get a sense for what to really think about or not think about. The main flavour of this mental activity is thinking about the past. Recalling past events but usually not the entire story. The past comes in fragmented pieces which then puts pressure on the 47th gate to put all of the fragments together. Processing memories and sequences of events trying to get them all in the right order to make sense out of the past is this one’s game. So in the case of our little old lady next door; While the person with the 63 would recognise a break in the pattern and get suspicious. The person with the 64 would be thinking about the sequence of events remembering seeing her yesterday morning and then trying to remember if they saw her the morning before, trying to remember if she has ever missed a day in the past or if that is not a memory. Trying to make sense of the fact that she isnt there this morning. The outcome is still the same, you still wander over and find her to have a broken foot. It is just a different framework or different style the mind works through.
The Knowing Stream (61-24-43-23).
61 The Gate of Mystery. This one is not collective. This is an individual mind and it is the pressure to know. Or the pressure to figure out the unknowable. This style of mind doesn’t operate constantly like the collective 63 and 64 minds do. The individual circuit works in a pulse like fashion. So one day everything in this mind is calm, quiet and then the pulse of pressure comes on and all of a sudden the need to know causes such uncomfortableness in the mind of the 61. The pressure this gate put down onto the 24th gate (The Gate of Return) is to return over and over and over again to the same thought, the same unknowable thing and the struggle to finally know. So lets keep in theme with the story of the little old lady. This style of mind isn’t looking over a the pattern that has been interrupted (the 63), or piecing together memories of the past (the 64). This mind is literally thinking “I know somethings wrong, I just don’t know what, I don’t know where she is, but I know she is supposed to be there watering her garden, and I know she is not, what a mystery” It gets uncomfortable with the mystery, the unknown, so wanders over to find the lady with her broken foot. Again, the outcome the same, it is the framework that the mind streams its mental pressure through that just alters slightly.
Now consider the person with the completely open head. They have the potential to have all of this going on! The only difference is they have no one consistent way that the pressure amounts. It is dependent on the program (the transits) and who they are around in aura. They can be confused and doubtful and uncomfortable and struggling. On the other hand their minds can be peaceful and free flowing and vast. Their mastery is in filtering through all of the mental activity and really knowing “is this even something for me to think about or not?”. They can determine which minds around them are inspiring and which are confusing.
The pressure to think and live life through the mind is the seven centered way.
We were all brought up and condition to be in our heads, to take direction from our thoughts and to believe everything the mind tells us. Being driven to climb, succeed, accomplish, showcase our intellect, was the general messaging in the era we have grown up. It is at no fault of your own that you are conditioned this way. We are in the interregnum between the old seven centered way and the nine centered way of life. So you can cut yourself some slack with this one. Well I cut myself some slack anyway. You can go as hard on yourself as you like.
I have been on a mission to meet myself.
Like really meet myself. Meet my body, meet my mind and watch the disharmony between them for a long time now. After I finished taking in all the information and realised I wasn’t doing anything with it, I made it a mission of mine to really meet all of these parts of myself. And BOY! have me and myself had some bloody uncomfortable moments. My mind is a tyrant. She is an absolute b!tch. Ruthless. Relentless. Sneaky little mofo. I had to get to a place of pure anger with my mind. To the place where I just wanted to kill it off and live without it (impossible I know) before I came to rest in the vast pasture that it is now. We have an agreement now. Much like a contract.
[insert contractual terms][date/time]I said [mind] hereby agree to the following;
You stay busy playing in the this and that thoughts, the unknown and the known, the confusion and the doubts, you take the measurements and the comparisons and fiddle around with all of that, but you no longer have any control over my decisions, actions or what is correct for my life. You get to be an outer authority for others, when it is correct for you to be, but there is a condition on that also- You don’t get to do that through a dirty, clouded, unclear lens. You only get to do that through a crystal clean lens that comes through living your correct life, which means you have to let the body lead this one. Okay mind? Body will take care of the life so you get to do your thing in the most purest of ways. Comprendre??
I know I sound like I’ve gone troppo here again! The mind talking to the mind, about how it is not going to allow the mind to control anymore, is still the mind exercising control (oh the layers)! And that we really have no choice over how much we are able to wake up and live through the crystal lens. It is all a matter of the fates and our ability to surrender to whatever will be.
But hey its nice to pretend, right?!
I hope you have enjoyed the journey we have been on through the 9 centers.
If you have missed some or wish to read my other confessions you will find them all inside of the HD Hub in the “A Written Word” section.
Thank you for witnessing me throughout this part of my journey.
Hooroo for now,Amy.