Parenting the Emotional Child, From an Undefined Perspective.
This one was pulled from me by one of the members in the HD Hub. I was invited to share it with the wider collective.. so, well I guess here it is.
Can the mind predict an emotional low coming?- to be honest I am unsure. I am not defined emotionally and I’d urge you to keep that in mind as you read these ponderings. This is me coming to you as a mother from the undefined emotional perspective parenting an emotionally defined child.
Can you predict a low coming? Can you prepare? I think trying to predict if it’s coming is a trick of the mind to prepare yourself or look for reasons why, or meaning for it being there. All looking for the safe house of ‘an expectation’. The mind preparing for and expecting the same experience as the last low because it hates the unknown.
Expectation is the minds safehouse. It loves it there, it’s safe and cosy there, because it can prepare. When really, is there anything else to be gained from predicting somethings coming other then to be prepared for it? What else do you gain when you allow the mind to start to prepare? Not a lot.
What you lose, on the other hand is huge.
You lose the now. You lose the moment, you lose being fully in the experience because your always living in and for the expected outcome.
JR having a ‘low’ day. Him and I hung out, while Dad and Jordy did other things.
The body preparing for a low may be a completely different story. You may feel that coming on. The different being- the body doesn’t predict any outcome or expected timeframe or make up a story as to why this is happening as to avoid it or move faster through it. The body is just doing it’s thing. In the now.
I know with my son he doesn’t announce an emotional state coming.. he will inform once it’s here and he’s in it.
“I’m just sad”
“It’s a sad day today”
“I just want to be left alone”
Or other language a 4 year old uses.
His aura is closed so I really have no clue until it’s here and he informs or I’m observing his behaviour and I can see the change in behaviour. Different from when a Generator comes into my aura in a heightened emotional state. I feel that brewing instantly which is why as I child I adopted all the necessary not-self strategies of the undefined solar plexus.
With my son’s emotional low, I notice my mind instantly looks for reasons as to why he is feeling that way because as his Mother my first instinct is to try and rectify the feelings for him. It’s been a major adjustment for me to not give him reasons, or ask why, or try to fix the situation.
My mind wanting to fix his low or move him through a low quicker then his organic pace is my own shit. It’s disrespectful. And, it’s also the precious way the little girl in me dealt with the massive feeling she had to hold as a child with no guidance. It’s my own need to be needed or to feel comfortable. I have no idea how his emotional wave is going to amplify in my own nervous system being an undefined emotional Projector, so as coping mechanism I want to rescue him from his own emotional state- in doing so rescuing myself from an unpredictable state I may be entering into. It’s NEVER helpful for him in his process. And truthfully, it’s no longer helpful for me as an adult. Thanks little Amy, but I’ve got this now, I’ve got you. Together we are going to learn how to hold ourselves in our own truth while witnessing others in theirs.
Anyway, back to JR…his simple informing of his emotional state without any further requests isn’t always the case. Sometimes he will say “I just want to be left alone and Jordy is annoying me and that is making me angrier” He is informing of his state and also requesting alone time.
In this situation I will listen and say “okay let’s get you your own space”. I can aid him in getting his alone time to give him some peace to process. I can fix that. But it isn’t about removing Jordy so that he moves through his emotional state quicker, it’s more so respecting his need for space to process that he has asked for.
If he was older, and as he gets older we will teach and allow for him to be able to go for a walk or ride or remove himself, which we do when it’s safe - fenced yards, closed houses or a boundary I can still keep and eye on him. But at four it can be unsafe for him to go off on his own so it is safer to remove Jordy.
Now that’s not to say that every time he is in an emotional state he either needs to be removed or the people around him need to be removed. It’s all a matter of the circumstance, what is happening in that exact moment and what he informs his needs are.
Hanging out with little bro.
Sometimes he will inform he is in a low and just wants to lay with mum, or be with dad. In this situation we honour that and cancel/ postpone everything. Outings, shopping, catch-ups, immediate plans, making space for him to process.. we never do this with pressure. So he won’t know that we cancel a booking or miss out on something we had planned. That would cause pressure in his nervous system and condition him to force through or hide from his emotions. Storing them up in his body of the sake of others. I never want him to feel guilt or shame in his process or that his process isn’t a valid enough reason for us to change our plans.
Sometimes I will stay with him and Johno will venture out with Jordy or vice versa. We cannot stop Jordy experiencing things and are also mindful that we are not conditioning Jordy to believe his world stops or things that are exciting or important to him go on the back burner because of another persons process. But again it’s not like we say “well you miss out and I miss out, we will stay home because of you, and Jordy still gets to go out” it’s just a no-worries-change in the situation.
Sometimes if he knows something was booked. “I don’t want to go to the zoo today but I’m too sad, we can go tomorrow” but it is not possible to go tomorrow - maybe the zoo is closed or whatever reason. I will inform him that “no we cannot go to that tomorrow, but we maybe we can organize to do it another time, how you are feeling is more important”. I want to model to him and teach him that honoring his bodies needs and the process of his emotional authority is important. And that cancelling or shifting appointments around is perfectly okay.
He may move through a low in an hour and off to the zoo we go, I’m cool with that too. As long as it’s come from an organic natural place within him. Like I say it’s all a matter of circumstance. I could go on forever giving examples and circumstances the truth is, it’s moment to moment. There is no predicting, pre-empting, or preparing other then to cultivate a willingness to surrender. Practice surrendering to the moment.
Parenting one child with emotional authority and one with an undefined emotional center is a trip and it cannot be done from a place of one size fits all.. what’s good for one is good for the other, raise them both the same way model of parenting.
They are not the same.
Do we always get it right? - no bloody way.
Do we try to parent with awareness and respect for each persons unique configurations? - always.
Is it easier? - not at first. We’ve had to relearn everything and undertake our own deconditioning processes to do so.
But over time, yes it has become easier for a number of reasons';
1. Because we are not forcing an angry emotional Manifestor child to do something for the sake of the rest of us.. that’s never going to go well.
2. We are all learning to hold our own truth, honour our own state of being, and speak that to the rest of the family without fear of how it will be received.
JR forced to be out somewhere he didnt want to be- refusing to move.
This doesn’t just apply to the Manifestor child. I mean yeah he’s going to go savage and rip the place to shreds if he doesn’t want to be there, or otherwise do his best to make it an unpleasant experience- I know this from personal experience. But that is never his fault. Him ‘acting-up’ when he is out somewhere he didnt want to be is simply his way of showing us that it was wrong to go out. Or not the best idea at the time, and that we probably should have listened more.
A frustrated emotional Generator child or emotionally amplifying Projector child can be just a destructive to an environment and themselves if they are forced to move through their emotional state and/ or be somewhere they don’t want to be, as the Manifestor child can. As always this is written from my personal perspective and personal experience in the family with the children and partner that I have - it may look nothing like this for you, you may disagree or have other strategies that you have adopted. I’ve never proclaimed to be an expert in raising our children by their human design because I think it is far too new of an area. Our children are some of the first raised this way from birth. Not only that, we are unique in our position as parents.
Being in a transitional parenting era on the presuppose of the 2027. Raising children that will raise rave children themselves once they begin to enter the world. Everything the generations before us taught us about parenting and raising children is about to change. Down to the way we feed and nourish them, to how we educate, to how we protect and defend them.
We as parents are amongst some of the first to be experimenting and learning how the hell to do the raising of uniqueness while trying to decondition and stand in our own uniqueness, while the background frequency shifts and the floor slides out from underneath all of us.
Be kind to yourself and others journeying in this space. Nobody is an expert in the existential parenting space. Each moment is a new one, each conflict, each crisis is a new one. Every bedtime is different one, every meal time is a different one. That argument the kids have in the back of the car today cannot be dealt with the same way you dealt with it yesterday. I mean you can try, but don’t be surprised if the outcome is completely different, there are too many shifting variables, the moment is a new one. Nobody has been here before. And that’s okay.
Sure we have enlightening perspectives and practicing parents with profound wisdom in this space that we can receive from but know that your journey is yours, and it’s unique to you and your children.
You are holding a lot.
I am holding a lot.
We as a collective are holding a lot.
And you know what.. we got this!
That’s why we are here now.